How to Ask a Girl on a Date: When You Don’t Know Her

Christian —  November 30, 2011 — 3 Comments

So you’ve spotted her from across the room. She’s stunning. You wonder if there is any way you could get to know her, any way you could get close enough to talk to her.

You edge your way toward her, only to watch someone else swoop in and strike up a conversation. If only you had been faster to talk to her…

I agree that it is hard striking up conversation with a girl you don’t know. It’s harder still to ask her on a date. But if you’re bent on getting to that girl across the room before the other guy, here are a couple of things to keep in mind.

First, connection is key when asking a girl on a date. If you and her have a mutual friend or if she has simply seen you around, she’ll be more open to a date. Before asking her out, watch to see whom she hangs out with, keeping an eye out for someone you know. If she knows one of your friends, you’re golden.

I wanted to test out the theory that familiarity helps when asking a girl on a date, so Ben and I went door-to-door in a girls’ dorm at a nearby university asking about it. The number of girls who would go out with a guy they didn’t know was pretty small—contrasted to the staggeringly larger number of girls who said they’d go on a date with a guy they’d only seen in one of their classes but had never actually met. Familiarity is key. Even if it means she just sees your face a few times before you talk to her.

When you first introduce yourself, be sure to bring up your mutual friend early in the conversation. Talk about what you like about them and share a funny story from one of your times hanging out with them. Gauge the response—a good response means you’re on the right track and that you should keep running it.

At this point, if she seems into you, go ahead and invite her to a party with a bunch of your friends that you’ve got planned. If you don’t have a get-together planned already, plan it on the spot. If you’re getting “the vibes” and she seems really into you, ask her on a date right there.

The bottom line, friends, is that flexibility wins in the end. Don’t feel like you have only one shot. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen—one way or another. If something doesn’t go according to plan adjust your plan and don’t let it fluster you. Sometimes it’s better not to be the first one across the room to talk to her—skill and finesse beat mere boldness any day.

Thanks, Aidan Jones for the picture!

3 responses to How to Ask a Girl on a Date: When You Don’t Know Her

  1. Thanks Christian for writing this article. Now, i really think you need to have more articles about how to tell if a guy likes you. I’m 20 and I go to college and I always want to know what guys are thinking and how i can encourage them to ask me on a date.

    • Thanks, Danika, for your thoughts! I agree: a blog series on the signs of attraction would be handy. I’ll plan one out once this one is done.

  2. Brett Zachary June 24, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    I a, Brett and I’m 20 Years old…
    IN MY WHOLE LIFE IV NEVER ASKED A GIRL OUT… Bcause I’m a very shy man…
    I dont know what they will say or think of me…

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